Part 4~Anilbaran Roy’s Diary Notes & Conversations with Mother

 24 May 1933 

Mother said: I was telling Sri Aurobindo the other day that the world was far from being ready. Sri Aurobindo replied that if the thing that was to manifest was to wait until the world was ready it would have to wait for ever. The world will continuously choose falsehood — it chooses falsehood spontaneously. We have to bring the thing down and impose it upon the world. 

29 September 1933 

Some days ago X put the question whether there was any correspondence or identity of nature between him and myself. Sri Aurobindo replied, “No; the identity is in the opening to the Mother and its completeness.” 

20 October 1933 

The subject of music I gave. As a child I confide myself to them. Mother said: When I sat I thought something weak and sweet would come. But when I opened myself, a very forceful being came. Perhaps it was a Russian musician. The Russians have that characteristic mysticism — the power of complete self-giving. A child does not surrender to the Divine — it has only an instinctive dependence on persons from whom it gets bread etc. To make that kind of surrender consciously one must have gone through all the turmoil of the vital and mental planes. A man like X can make that surrender, not a boy like Y. 

The music was very good. Mother said that it was this kind of music which she would have liked to have noted down. 

12 September 1934 

Mother said: The Divine is behind everything and everybody, but it is very far behind. If it is said that all the suffering in the world, suffering of the innocent, reign of falsehood, ill-will — all these are brought in by the Divine, that will not be true. All these come from the hostile forces. Things have gone very wrong — and the Divine Love has intervened to correct. The mystery was at the beginning — there are many possible worlds, many experiences and there is only one — a drop. There must have been some accident which made the world as it is — whatever the explanation of that accident —things as they are, are very bad. 

When these things will be corrected, the perfection also will be unique and wonderful. 

8 January 1935 

Mother gave flowers after the interview, meaning: “Intuition in the mind”, “Stability in the vital”, “Divine love in the psychic centre”, “Divine purity” will lead to perfect “Friendship with the Divine”. 

5 March 1935 

Mother gave these flowers: 

First “Promise of Realization” to begin with; that will come by “Purification” through “Agni”; the result will be “Ananda in the physical”. 

I said: Little by little Thy work will be accomplished in spite of all obstacles. 

Mother said: The time is not much if you consider the time that is taken for light to come from the first star. The obstacles are always the same. 

12 March 1935 

Mother gave these flowers: “Flame in the psychic”, “Divine thought in the mental”, “Aspiration in the physical”, “Promise of success”. 

21 June 1935 

Flowers from the Mother: “Peace in the physical”, “Light in the subconscious”, “Purity”— these are the conditions of the realization of the “Ananda of the Presence”. 

13 October 1936 

After a long time I had a talk with the Mother today; so also the Mother remarked. It was about X’s past attempts at suicide. Mother said: 

The consciousness has to be changed, and the bodily life is an opportunity of effectuating this change. Those who commit suicide, throw away this opportunity and cause great confusion. 

It takes 20 years to develop the consciousness. By suicide, one loses all the work and has to begin again. 

People think they cannot change — that is why the change is not effected. I give the consciousness and the power — the consciousness of the thing to be done and the power to do it. What more is required? But people must have the will to change and make use of this consciousness and power. 

When the change is effected there will be no wrong reactions — you will not be a slave to them. It is from the subconscient that the reactions come. The change is not effected at once — it has to be done again and again. You cannot say, “Now the thing is accomplished”; you must go forward, otherwise you will fall back. 

How far the change has been done is tested by accidents. Mother gave an example from her own life. A motor accident was going to happen; the natural instinct would move the Mother for self-protection, there was no time to think. Instantaneously the Mother moved to protect another person, a student of her, from injury, exposing herself to danger. Then she knew that some change had been effected in her. It is very interesting to note how the physical behaves. 

The reaction to collectivity is another example. In a gathering people are catching fear, grief, etc. from others without any reasonable cause. Solidarity is all right, but not in this slavish ignorant way. 

Another example is illness. There is something in the being which does not want to throw it away and allows it to take its normal course. 

I remarked that it was difficult to act on the physical. 

Mother said, “No. That work has been already done by now. The Purusha in the physical has to exert the will.” 

8 December 1936 

I told Mother that as I was having acidity, I had reduced my diet. Mother took this occasion to point out to me my chief defect in sadhana now. She said that I was hypnotized by the body; I thought about it not in the yogic way. It was this thought about the body that was dragging me down and I had not the same intensity of sadhana and Ananda as I had before. I have passed all other tests but failed in this. There are two or three parts in which I am still thinking not in the yogic way but as an ordinary man. But today only about the body. Mother said: Have the surrender there, don’t bother about the body; look at the reactions, do the needful, but do not let your mind be occupied by it. Say, “Lord, let Thy will be done, save this body as a means of Thy work”, with the faith that the Will will do the needful. All the doctors in the world will not be able to help you, as the Divine Power will. Have trust in it. 

Thoughts do great harm, every thought has a reaction. These thoughts are irrational, illogical, subconscient — so to say. 

31 August 1937 

During the interview the Mother scolded me for supporting X in her whims by my feeling of pity for her. Mother said in this connection: “Your inside is all right, but your outward consciousness has to be changed. It is time that you do it; be ready.” 

28 March 1938 

For a few days I was feverish in the afternoon and was having some trouble in the intestines, due probably to something wrong in the enema which I took on Friday night. Mother said, “Was it fever really or the heat? I do not find any fever now.” Then she said, “Whatever that may be, it can be cured in the yogic way, even accidents. Don’t react to these things like an ordinary man but like a yogi. Have faith in the Divine, call for peace and throw away the ailment.” I said, “I felt now no disturbance in the mind and was detached.” 

Mother said, “Mere detachment is not sufficient. You have to bring down the peace in the physical cells. Of course, there is nothing in the mind, but I am speaking of the body. It is not a new theory; all bodily ailments can be cured in the yogic way by bringing down peace in the very cells of the body.” 

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[1] In this and the subsequent notes the word or words shown within inverted commas are the spiritual significances given by the Mother to some flowers.  

[2] According to Sri Aurobindo, the four aspects of the Mother represents her four leading Personalities and Powers which have stood in front ‘in her guidance of this Universe and in her dealings with the terrestrial play.’ These aspects are Maheshwari, Mahakali, Mahalakshmi and Mahasaraswati.