Part 3~Anilbaran Roy’s Interviews with Sri Aurobindo

Anilbaran: Today I have received a letter from home — my wife is seriously ill. 

Sri Aurobindo: Ill? What kind of illness? 

Anilbaran: For a long time she has been suffering from indigestion and stomach ailments. Now she is passing loose motions, also vomiting. She has swelled and feels extremely weak — such a weakness she has never experienced before. My mother writes, “I have informed you and now you do what you like.” Indirectly she asks me to go back. I can’t decide what I should do. 

Sri Aurobindo: One must not go. Such obstacles will surely come. If one has to go like this, how can one do Yoga! You’ll have to be severe — understand? 

Anilbaran: I do not have so much pull of sympathy as of a sense of duty which gives me the trouble. That too I have been practising long to control. Some other obstacles are also showing up. The demand of money is increasing. 

Sri Aurobindo: Increasing? 

Anilbaran: All these days I somehow managed to keep myself within a budget. I could somehow manage to pull on. But now again I shall have to bear the expenses of my nephew’s studies. I can very well see that all kinds of obstacles are coming on the way. 

Sri Aurobindo: Yes, they will come to see if they can find anything responding in you. 

Anilbaran: Please keep an eye on me. 

                                                              * 

26 August 1926 (Morning) 

(This morning I have received a letter from X. My wife has expired at 4 a.m., in the night of 20 August, 3rd of Bhadra last. I had a meeting with A.G.) 

Anilbaran: I was expecting this news everyday. I felt it strongly that my wife’s death was very certain. 

Sri Aurobindo: Yes in such a state…it was no use for her to remain alive. It has been rather good for her. 

(A.G. remained silent for a long time. I spoke to him about one of my latest experiences. The light which I see above my head became so bright that one never sees anything like it upon earth. After having seen this I do not enjoy any more even the full moon on the sea. All on a sudden I saw in that light an infinite sky getting lighted as it were and in that there were many beings, but I could not discern their forms.) 

Sri Aurobindo: What you saw — was it temporary? 

Anilbaran: Yes, it was a sudden glimpse and then it all faded away. But I have been so much impressed that it has left a constant memory in me. That world of light above appears to be more real than this earth. Earlier I thought it to be my mental imagination but now this is more real than anything on this earth. 

Sri Aurobindo: It is the Effulgent Heaven of the Veda. 

Anilbaran: I feel like rising to that region and dwelling there. 

 (Sri Aurobindo just smiled.) 

                                                             * 

Anilbaran: What about my going back home? It has been decided before that I should return home in October. I have some work there. 

(Sri Aurobindo remains silent.) 

Anilbaran: Shall I go a few days earlier? 

Sri Aurobindo (with a smile): What will you do by going early? 

Anilbaran: No, nothing to do. Well then, I would rather go in October. 

                                                             * 

29 August 1926 

Anilbaran: The night before I saw an interesting dream. 

Sri Aurobindo: What was it? 

Anilbaran: There was in the sky a crescent moon of the third day of the bright fortnight. My son pointed out to me the eclipse occurring on its convex side. 

I saw another dream. The sun was setting beautifully, everybody was asking me to see it but I was unable to see it. Then at the very last moment when I was able to see, the sun had begun to sink fast. What is the difference between such dreams and the visions one sees during the meditation? 

Sri Aurobindo:  The dreams are something in the mind. But one sees something real in a vision — may be something symbolical. 

Anilbaran: Can dreams in sleep be symbolical? 

Sri Aurobindo: They can be but to discern their significance is very difficult. What you had seen belonged to the vital plane. 

    (I spoke to him about X of Bankura. He has a strong inclination to make money but he wants to spend it for some good cause.) 

Sri Aurobindo: That’s fine. 

Anilbaran: He has taken a mantra from a guru and is engaged in some sort of sadhana. 

Sri Aurobindo: What sort of sadhana? 

Anilbaran: That I don’t know. He is going through a lot of struggle in business. He was a contractor but now he has installed a rice mill. At times he gets depressed due to all sorts of difficulties. He gets encouragement from conversations with me. He has an aspiration for a higher life. 

    (I spoke to him about R’s sadhana) 

Sri Aurobindo: Well, I shall see. 

                                                             * 

5 September 1926    

Anilbaran: Peace is getting established within. During the meditation it comes down in waves from above to the soles of the feet. Aspiration and consecration appear quite real. That the power above has accepted me, this too I realise. But the troubles created by the mind are not getting solved. When I sit for meditation all sorts of thoughts invade and spoil everything. 

Sri Aurobindo: What sorts of thoughts? 

Anilbaran: Habitual thoughts. Perhaps what I have done or seen at one time rises up in the mind and then the whole game of association starts. 

Sri Aurobindo: The experiences of your past life which are stored within come up to the surface to be rejected. By rejecting all these by and by the inside will have to be cleansed. What about the aspiration you feel? 

Anilbaran: I want to rise into the light above. 

Sri Aurobindo: That is a wrong process. Now you cannot rise there. It will take a long time. You will have to bring down the strong power from above and prepare the vessel. At present you must prepare the mind — the entire play will take place within the mind. Just now the power will not descend into the vital and the physical. 

Anilbaran: What is the process of bringing down the power from above? How to bring it down? 

Sri Aurobindo: How will you bring it down? The power will descend by itself. You will only have to surrender to it. 

Anilbaran: From time to time I can feel the pressure coming from above. 

Sri Aurobindo: Yes, the power is willing to descend but you are making an effort to rise above and that way the power will not descend. Just as peace will descend, so also the light and power will descend and transform your vessel. 

Anilbaran: Sometimes I see a shower of rays as it were, white rays, coming down from the lights above. 

Sri Aurobindo: Very well; it does come down like that. 

Anilbaran: But I have a feeling that all this is bogus. I feel like this because I tend to see it simply as mental imagination. 

Sri Aurobindo: You do have such intellectual obstacles. To doubt the experience is to discourage it. Let it be developed, see what is in it. How can it help to always doubt it? 

Anilbaran: My mental doubts are great obstacles. Since I am near you, a word or two from you demolishes these doubts. 

Sometimes I sense the play of intuition in the mind. The truth descends from above and all problems get solved. 

Sri Aurobindo: That is not sufficient. Sometimes the glimpses will come, but only when the light from above will descend and enlighten the mind, you will have the full knowledge. You will have to live in that. 

Anilbaran: Within the mind? 

Sri Aurobindo: Yes, now in the mind and later on having risen above the mind you will be able to live in the higher knowledge. Before this, only from time to time you can rise there. 

Anilbaran: For this a long period of practice is required. 

Sri Aurobindo: Yes, but now it may not take much time. If you had come ten years earlier, what progress then you could make, the same you can do now much faster. 

Anilbaran: But I have no impatience in me. I have now no doubt about the path and I will go on patiently as long as the thing is not achieved. 

Sri Aurobindo: That is very good.