Part 1~Dyuman’s Correspondence with the Mother
Dyuman’s Correspondence with the Mother
Mother,
I had no intention of violating Your orders. The wiping was already finished by the time I received Your last order at 5 p.m. or so. Mother, I am at Your feet for any punishment for violating Your orders even unconsciously.
Why punishment, my child?
I never thought of such a thing! I never thought even that you had violated any rules. The whole thing is a misunderstanding.
You must know that I trust you and have full confidence in your earnestness and your good will. It is on that ground that we are working together and also that I let you know whenever there is something that has to be corrected.
Never doubt my love.
12 June 1929
*
Mother,
When X handed the monthly Prosperity things to me I thought: “What will Mother do if the stock of toothbrushes is exhausted? Mother must have this one—it goes to Mother.”
I have taken already my precautions. Since more than four months I am using my finger as a toothbrush and find it quite convenient. So I am sending back your toothbrush. If you have no use for it, you can return it to the stores.
2 February 1932
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Mother,
This bowl has been put on the fire by somebody and is now spoiled. Who this somebody is, is not known.
It is a great pity, because the best punishment would be to serve his or her meal in the bowl!
7 June 1932
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My child,
I have an impression that the visitors are arriving with a big appetite and that they may find our dishes somewhat small. Consequently I have increased the quantity on the “menu”.
14 February 1933
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My child,
Why were you so serious at pranam?
Don’t let anything from outside approach and disturb you. What people think, do or say is of little importance. The only thing that counts is your relation with the Divine—and from that point of view you have nothing to worry about, all is all right.
And never forget that we love and trust you.
30 April 1933
*
My dear Mother,
Y and I went to Aroumé today. We find the existing kitchen an impossibility. To change it we will have to spend time and money. We can put the kitchen somewhere else, as I am showing here in the plan.
The room which has an opening towards the Governor’s house can be turned into a kitchen. It has tiles on the roof and glass ventilators for light. We can put the ovens there. As for the smoke from the ovens, we can put a chimney. The food we can carry to the serving room. The kitchen vessels we can wash in the kitchen itself.
Unfortunately the latrines are next to the kitchen and also a new gutter. We can close the gutter and cut off the view of the latrines by planting a creeper.
I do not think this idea is at all practicable.
First, the greatest objection is the neighbourhood of the latrines; to hide them or to shut a gutter does not prevent the flies from going freely from the latrines to the food in the kitchen.
Second, Xavier was very particular that we should not misuse these rooms. I do not think he would agree to turn them into a kitchen.
Third, to put a kitchen just under the windows of the Government House, sending them directly all the smoke of our cooking, is just the best way to get us into trouble.
Fourth, it is a long way to carry the food to the serving place.
Fifth, there are many other minor inconveniences.
Sixth, you cannot judge the existing kitchen so long as it is not thoroughly cleaned and repaired. If it is not sufficiently ventilated and if there is not enough light, we can put in a new window. I am ready to do it any my own expense if necessary.
4 December 1933
*
My Mother,
Bless me with Thy Love. I now go out of this compound for the Divine Work, protected and surrounded by Your Love and the Love of my beloved Sri Aurobindo.
My Mother, though I shall be working outside, I am ever Thine, ever at Thy Feet.
Why do you speak of working outside? Do you think that any house of the Ashram is outside our atmosphere, even the most material? Here or there it is just the same: I am always close to you, helping you, supporting you, working through you, and it is not a few yards more or less which can make any difference for that.
4 January 1934
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Mother,
Z wanted to spend 20 minutes with me. That is not possible—not even 10 minutes regularly at a fixed hour. It is nothing but a vital demand on me; I cannot satisfy that. I can give her 2 or 3 minutes and not more.
It is not at all advisable to let her encroach like that upon you. The more she will get, the more she will want and finally, if she could, she would swallow you up.
Mother, I do not think that I should go to call her; if she comes to me I shall receive her. What do You say?
Keep quiet. You must not go to call her. She wants to annex you; this cannot be tolerated.
c. 25 January 1934
*
Mother,
I do not understand this Yoga. I know only this: To be one with the Mother and to live and work for her; this is all.
Why are the Ashram inmates hankering after food? Why this big fuss over eating? Why are we breaking our heads due to vital desire, ego, pride, self-will, mental ideas and preferences? I do not follow all this and am unable to understand.
Mother, my heart was filled with such feelings; it was restless and unquiet again. But now I am quiet and happy. All these feelings have passed away.
This is very good. Indeed, if you want to do your work with a clear mind and discrimination, you must never get upset—whatever happens. This is a very important point.
26 January 1934
*
Mother,
Seeing the work of the Building Department at Aroumé, I found so many faulty repairs. [The disciple noted several defects in the carpentry, painting and masonry work.] Mother, we spend plenty of money, but get a very bad result. We do some work, we find faults in it, we break it, we redo it and it comes out as something else. Labour, time, money and energy are wasted, yet we do not get what we require.
For all that, the change can come only from within, when the consciousness of each and everyone will be changed.
28 January 1934
*
Mother,
X, the new visitor, came for work today. She cut the vegetables, then did not even wait to clean the knife she used. At noon she is expected to stay up to the finishing of the cutting, that is, to put aside the peelings for the bullocks, to put away the knives etc. in the cupboard and do other such works.
I think we cannot ask that from her in the beginning, at least. If she truly wants to do work she will ask you what to do and how to do it and then things can be explained to her, leaving her the choice to do or not to do. She is only a visitor and cannot be treated as the permanent members are.
4 February 1934
*
Mother,
Newcomers staying in the Ashram houses come to the Dining Room for food. But what about people staying outside the Ashram, in hotels and private houses?
Is it not easier to let them eat in the Dining Room as food cannot be sent to the hotel? That is why I said that they could come to the Dining Room. But it may be better to give them food in the late-comers’ room to prevent their mixing too much with the inmates and … their bad habits!
7 February 1934
*
Mother,
Often I get colds and fevers and am obliged to remain in bed for some time. During and after each illness my body becomes weak and faints.
How is that I often have illnesses and my body becomes so weak? I feel that it is not as strong as it ought to be for your work. I had high hopes and expected much from the body, but it has failed.
Your body is all right, but you are not giving it enough rest and food. I will have to ask you to be more careful on these two points because I want to make it strong and healthy, but regular rest and nourishing food are indispensable for that. I would like to give you one orange for orange juice every day. The best time would be when you rise. For that, if you give me a flask, I could fill it in the evening and send it to you before you go to bed and you would take it in the morning when you wake up.
9 February 1934
*
Mother,
The cartman could not get a coolie to help him transport the kerosene. Not minding the load, he dragged the cart to Aroumé. While going up the slope at the gate, he was thrown back with the cart. I was there just in time to help. He gave me back the two annas I had given him for a coolie. Seeing the work he did, I gave one anna to him, as he deserved it. I would have paid two annas to a coolie.
You could have given him the two annas.
10 February 1934
*
My Mother,
I hope that You will not hesitate to tell me anything required to be done during our crucial Darshan days.
Be quiet and confident, it is all that is required.
Blessings.
19 February 1934
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Dear Mother,
All kinds of bad suggestions about myself come and pass away; I have no time at present to pay attention to them, but every possible thing tries to enter: (1) I am bad; (2) I am fallen; (3) The body is a failure; I would like to give it up; (4) I have received nothing, progressed nowhere; and many more such things.
All this is mere nonsense and falsehood and nothing more. You do well to pay no attention to it.
22 February 1934
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Dear Mother,
The fever is over. I am quite all right. Tonight I will drink the decoction again and I am sure I will get up 100 percent cured. My Mother, You are with me and our relation is now more close, more compact and more loving.
Certainly our relation is bound to become more and more close and strong and intimate.
Only your insistence is on the work—and my insistence is on your health first.
I have just heard somebody coughing. Is it you? It seems to me that, until you are quite free from this cough, it would be better not to rise before the sun rises; because these early morning hours are very cold and that helps in prolonging the illness.
My love and blessing are constantly with you, whatever are the circumstances.
3 March 1934
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My child,
Why are you not taking honey and butter? They are both good for your health and will give you strength. It is light and wholesome food. For cough it is recommended to drink very hot milk sugared with honey (2 tea-spoons in a cup of milk). Or the drink that X prepares for you can also be sweetened with honey.
What you say about my trust in you is quite true—and that in itself should give you the strength and the courage to do what is needed to get completely cured.
With love.
5 March 1934
*
[Regarding the disciple’s physical condition. He had a headache, sore throat and fever, and suffered from general nervous strain and weakness.]
To get over this attack soon, one thing is needed: remain quiet, calm, peaceful. Do not get upset, do not fear, do not get restless or impatient. A quiet, firm trust in the Divine’s Grace is the one thing needed.
The anxiety of the mind, the restlessness of the vital delay the cure more than anything else.
Our love and protection are always with you.
21 March 1934
*
Mother,
When I started turning myself towards God 22 years ago or so, I never imagined that this could happen to me, not even when Sri Aurobindo openly questioned me: “Who has given you this Yoga?”
Now it has happened: that unfailing confidence and courage got shaken, and I had a breakdown. Yet in all this nervousness, my love for You, my faith in You and our relation is just the same, or rather, we have become closer. You have treated me like a sick baby—Your baby—and it is Your love that is curing me.
Yes, you have only to keep your faith unshaken and to be patient—everything will be all right.
We are not speaking of work just now, because we want you to rest quietly without any worry—but we have no intention of changing your work. It is waiting for you and you will take it back as soon as you are quite all right.
26 March 1934
*
Mother,
I feel that the persons who were connected with me in a personal relation are definitely wishing for my recovery. What will be my relation with them when I shall be out? Mother, You will settle it, and I shall obey You.
The most important thing will be not to allow them to eat you up as they used to do before.
Mother, I am quite at rest and the days are passing so quickly.
Yes, rest, rest, rest—be quiet and gather strength and force, not only to do work but also, chiefly, to achieve the Transformation.
With love and blessings.
30 March 1934
*
Mother,
I have no confidence in the body; it is too sensitive. I cannot be rash. I still fear to drink cold water from the kuja, I go to the filter each time for water. I cover myself before going to sleep.
A fear and a feeling of weakness have entered the body, but this fear and this feeling are not true. They are falsehoods that are to be shaken away and replaced by the contrary conviction and feeling—the conviction that the body will get stronger than before and the feeling that the physical strength, like the rest, belongs to the Divine and that there is no reason why the body should not receive it in plenty.
8 April 1934
*
Mother,
Now I realise that if I could love You with all my being and keep Your Presence in every single cell and atom, it would not be an inferior work to any outer work or activity.
My dear Mother, do with me as You want. I remain completely quiet, obedient, surrendered and cheerful.
Yes, keep quiet and gather peace and strength. When the time has come I shall ask you to start work again and you will see that it will be done quite smoothly.
With love and blessings always.
8 April 1934
*
Mother,
Today the head is strained—by what I do not know. I feel a great heaviness on the head, as if the whole sky has come down. The body does not want to move, it asks only for rest. When I sit down my eyes close by themselves; at once I feel still, quiet, as if frozen, yet full of life within.
Be very, very quiet, do not think about what the work will be. This week take complete rest, and sleep as much as you feel inclined to sleep. It is perfectly strong and rested, with the head free, that you must take up the work again. It is very important that the head should be neither heavy nor strained.
14 April 1934
*
Mother,
This auspicious Darshan day has given me a new life, a new consciousness and a new aspiration. I feel that a force of transformation has gathered and it will transform me. I bow down to Thee, dear Mother, and with Your Love and Blessings I begin the new life.
Yes, a special protection accompanies my blessings today and a certitude of Victory is included in my love.
24 April 1934
*
Mother,
I am happy to be working again. All Your Love, Grace and Protection are with me, Your Presence is in me, and, Mother, surely the Divine Grace shall manifest.
Keep this quietness and this faith, let nothing disturb them. If there are things to be changed, do it slowly, not in a hurry—time is a great helper when we know how to make use of it—and change only what is quite indispensable. Rules must not be too rigid—the Divine’s working needs suppleness and plasticity—and for the workers, a too rigid rule is a big strain for the nerves. It is only when the liberties taken are dangerous and harmful that they must be checked.
And be sure that all will be all right.
With love and blessings.
24 April 1934
*
O my beloved Mother,
Surely You are giving me a bath in Your Love.
Whatever people may say of me—good or bad—I have my dear Mother in my heart, holding me close to Her bosom. I know also that when dangers are outside, when there is bad will, my Mother keeps me under Her wings and then nothing can touch me, nothing can affect me.
Yes, my child.
You are always in my arms, bathed in my love which must be the strongest protection against all attacks of any kind. Keep your entire faith and confidence: we shall cross victoriously through all difficulties.
13 May 1934
*
Mother,
X asked for less curds, but Y served her the ordinary cup. She began to return the cup, but he would not take it, so she left it on the table. Then he asked her to get Mother’s sanction if only half a cup of curds was required. X complained to me about all this. I said: “I shall see tomorrow.”
Truly we cannot interfere in such petty things. Those who constantly forget that they are not here to lead the most silly ordinary life cannot expect us to deal with their stupid quarrels.
27 May 1934
*
O Lord Buddha, the forces of Mara attacked You, but You were unshaken, concentrated, calm, quiet, peaceful; then the Light descended, the hostile forces disappeared and there was peace on earth.
O Mother, let us all remain consecrated to the Truth, always peaceful, calm, quiet and unshaken, unmoved by any circumstances, and the hostile forces shall vanish.
Yes, this is excellent. It is by a quiet, strong and persistent peace that the true victories can be won.
With love.
28 May 1934
*
Dear Mother,
Let my entire being remain turned only towards You.
Be very careful to remain always calm and peaceful and let an integral equanimity establish itself more and more completely in your being. Do not allow your mind to be too active and to live in turmoil, do not jump to conclusions from a superficial view of things; always take your time, concentrate and decide only in quietness.
My love and blessings are always with you.
30 May 1934
*
Mother,
I am tired of my nature. I must rise above it if I want to fulfil the work. Again and again it knocks me down and tries to drag me into an unquiet state full of doubt, lack of confidence, and ego.
Mother, life me once more out of this turmoil in my nature and let me breathe in the free and vast air of Your infinite Love.
It is not in one day that one can overcome one’s own nature. But with patience and enduring will the Victory is sure to come.
1 June 1934
*
Dear Mother,
I actually see the waves of hostility against me, yet I am quiet; my being remains firm, poised and concentrated in Your Love and Presence.
Yes, be quiet. We have only to work patiently without being disturbed by anything and keep unshaken the faith in the inevitable Victory.
With love and blessings
6 June 1934
*
Mother,
Z and I have a nick-name now: Pagal, which means madcap.
Do not mind the stupidity of others.
8 June 1934
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Dear Mother,
The Divine Consciousness descends, fills the earth and penetrates deeply. It is sure to bring about the complete recovery of the earth.
You have worked out many things in me within these few days. You have given me Your patience, quietness and peace, an energy that works and works and a firm faith in the infinity of time.
Yes, the certitude of the Victory gives an infinite patience with the maximum of energy.
Always with you.
9 June 1934
*
Dear Mother,
I do not find it difficult to deal with X. I believe that I can exert a good influence upon her and bring her back to You. Arrange that we may come in contact with each other under the pretext of work or anything You like. I know that if I go, I am surrounded with Your love and protection. I dare to do so because You have kept me in the protection of Your love.
It is true that the Divine Protection is always around us, but it works completely only when we are faced by dangers which were unavoidable; that is to say, when doing some work for the Divine if dangers suddenly rise on the way then the protection works at its best. But to take up some work that is, after all, not at all indispensable and not even surely useful and which is extremely dangerous, counting on the divine protection to save us from all possible consequences, this is a movement which is like a challenge to the Divine, and the Divine will never agree to it.
I will explain myself—if it were indispensable that you should learn her work (which is, in fact, not only not indispensable but absolutely useless) and if X was the only person who could teach you (which is not the case, because Y knows almost as well as she does) then we could overlook the very real dangers that await you by meeting X regularly, and this meeting could perhaps, with the Divine’s help and protection, have some good results for X.
But to pretend to learn the work only with the purpose of acting on X’s character, is putting a worm of insincerity in the very seed of the action and we can only have disastrous results.
With love and blessings.
10 June 1934
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Dear Mother,
The work at the Dining Room is being done and it will always be done; the cupboards, floor and cloths there are cleaner than at any other place. But something else must be done now: we must rise above falsehood and our false nature.
Yes, this is the important thing. Once falsehood is conquered, all these difficulties will go.
22 June 1934
*
Mother,
Today I was threatened with clouds, dark clouds; but now all that has passed away quietly. Mother, forgetfulness of Your Loving Presence, even for a few minutes, brought such a death-like condition—it was quite unbearable. I felt so relieved when it passed away.
I do not understand how clouds can come to you now and am quite sure that they cannot remain at all. You must have caught it from somebody. Be careful to always keep the living Presence and Protection around you when you speak to people.
With all love always.
26 June 1934
*
Mother,
I worked with Z or rather I replaced him for a few minutes. I felt so happy to see him. You have joined us as friends for Your work and taken us to such a state of conscious understanding, knowledge and love that misunderstanding, disharmony, intolerance and anger have no place.
What you say is quite true. There is a deep and true Consciousness in which all can meet in love and harmony.
28 June 1934
*
My dear and beloved Mother,
Today I was very badly disturbed—the disturbance of all those ladies was rushing upon me. I refused to listen to anything; I said to myself: “The Divine is the Truth; the same Divine element is in all. See that, live that. Harmony, love, peace and happiness is the life of the Ashram.”
I am happy to see that you have kept the right attitude and remained unshaken by these superficial and silly storms.
Always with you in the love and the protection.
6 July 1934
*
Mother,
The serving room has become a place to read the newspapers. Can it be allowed? Had there been the works of Sri Aurobindo or Your “Prayers”, it would be all right. But novels, monthlies and dailies—how can they be read there?
I suppose it is difficult to interfere in this matter. If the readers don’t feel we cannot impose it upon them.
7 July 1934
*
Dear Mother,
It has always seemed to me that I do not know the meaning of Bhakti. But like a river, my entire being flows and flows towards You. This is all that I know, Mother, and I wish that it may flow more and more, rise in floods, break all limits and disappear once and for all into Your Love.
This is bhakti and nothing else.
10 July1934
*
Mother,
I am not sure of getting plantains. If they are available, they will be the plantains You saw today, kept until tomorrow. If they are not available, shall I return without them? And I might put a notice written on the slate in Aroumé: “No plantains in the Market.”
It is difficult to put up such a notice if there are actually some plantains in the bazaar. It is only if truly there are none that you can say so.
22 July1934
*
Mother,
Yesterday A took B’s mother to Aroumé.
In the godown she asked C: “Are you married? Where is your husband? Have you got a child? How big is it?”
How imbecile!
A told C: “Do you understand what she says! May I tell you?” C replied: “I understand, no need of your speaking.”
Mother, it would be better not to have visitors when we are at work; and nobody should be taken to Aroumé at the time of serving and eating. They must arrange with me previously.
Quite right.
A notice can be put up to this effect, that Aroumé cannot be visited without a special authorisation of the Mother and previous arrangement with Dyuman as for the hour of the visit.
With all love and blessings.
4 August 1934
*
Dear Mother,
D of the Washing Section asks me to help him. He says: “The Mother has written to me to be very careful about the flies, they may not gather, etc.”
Yes—flies are very dangerous, just now more than ever.
When the Washing Section is working it puts the inmate’s vessels in water immediately; but when the inmates go for their food at late hours, their dishes remain in the open and flies gather on them.
No dishes must be left in the open as an attraction for flies. If they cannot be washed at once, they must be dipped in a tub full of water—this is very important.
It is better these days to wash every day with “chlorure de chaux” the floor of the kitchen, the serving room and the dining rooms. The serving tables too.
8 August 1934
*
Beloved Mother,
All Love to You. May things be more quiet, more calm, and may You have a full rest.
In the present condition of things at large, we must be satisfied, I suppose, with the inner rest which is always there, untouched by any exterior turmoil.
With love and blessings always.
17 August 1934
*
Mother,
The beauty of the seasonal vegetables: [the disciple lists the ingredients of two pumpkin dishes]. The things are fresh and good and cheap.
It is all right provided there will not be pumpkin at each meal.
23 August 1934.
*
Dear Mother,
F read the note of G for the white pepper. She told me: “Why buy a bottle! Bring the white pepper, I shall grind it as fine as a bottle of Morton pepper ground in London. It will be quite fresh for the Mother.”
If it is truly not too much work, certainly I like better to have it prepared at home.
30 August 1934
*
Mother,
Why so sudden a change in my condition, I wonder? I was quite in a normal state this morning, and in the twinkling of an eye it all got changed and I was before You in a changed condition. Whatever it may be, I have learned many lessons today, Mother. The movements that were loose and scattered have become controlled and concentrated.
Mother, in spite of falls and blunders, with a certitude to become as You wish.
There is no fall and no blunder and I do not know why your condition got so much changed. But if it is for the better I am very glad. Of course one has always something to learn and a progress to make, and in each circumstance we can find the occasion of learning the lesson and making the progress.
If you feel more concentrated than you were, it is a very good thing, especially if it is a concentration on the Divine, wanting more and more to avoid all influences except that of the Divine and to accept to be moved only by the Divine’s will and no other. You said today that it is the end of making remarks to one another on people. Surely the day when the inmates of the Ashram will stop making among themselves remarks on the others, when all gossip will stop, it will be a blessed day and our work of realisation will be made much easier.
What you see, what you observe, you must keep for yourself and say to nobody except me.
Once again, be the giver of example to the others—show them how a true Sadhak must be.
I trust that you will do it and all my love and force are with you for this accomplishment.
11 September 1934
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Dear Mother,
Surely You will tell me if Your trust in me gets shaken, if Your love is not responded to.
You have called forth this being to live in the Ashram in the Light of the Divine, with the head filled with the Presence of the Divine, the heart filled with Your Love, the vital filled with the dynamic Force of the Divine for the execution of the Divine Will.
O Mother, O Lord, may You possess this being, may it come forth and live exclusively in the full splendour of Your Love and Light and Truth.
This is my prayer to the All-Gracious Divine.
Your prayer is heard, your ardent aspiration is receiving the proper response. Our trust and love are always with you and our Light and Consciousness to enlighten, transform, perfect the whole being.
With all our blessings.
11 September 1934
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Dear Mother,
One thing surmounts all difficulties in me: it is that my faith, confidence and trust are never shaken. This condition of faith is solid and unbreakable; it is an eternal faith, a loving present from the Divine. I am sustained by a vast faith in You, my loving Mother, and in my beloved Sri Aurobindo.
Yes, it is your faith and love that carry you through all difficulties to an ultimate Victory.
With all my love and blessings.
14 September 1934
*
My dear child,
I do not understand how what you propose can help. The work you are given, the life you live must be the work and the life of a sadhak, not that of a coolie. If you were treated or lived like a coolie and not as a sadhak, this work could never be done by you.
Moreover I do not see how your renouncing the things I give you could in the least cure the discontent of H and those like him.
The true attitude is neither to be an ascetic nor to indulge in desire. The true attitude is to take in all simplicity what I give, to be perfectly satisfied with it and neither to ask for more nor to refuse what is given. This is the true example to give, the one that can help the others towards a better understanding of their duties as sadhaks.
Nothing can cure H except getting rid of this making desire and the satisfaction of desire the principle of his life.
Remain my child, simple, quiet and content, and all will be all right.
5 October1934
*
Dear Mother,
I heard that several ladies have all made accusations against me. But that does not matter. I am quite happy—happier and more firm and quiet than ever before. There is one thing that has given me quietness and kept me at rest: Your confidence, Your Love, and my faith in Your Love.
Dear Mother, the entire thing is ending and I have full hope that there will be better understanding and a little more peace.
So long as all these women are living in the vital consciousness—as they do—they are bound to quarrel, to be jealous, envious, spiteful, depressed, and the rest. The best is not to give much importance to it—because in fact it has none. You set things right, the next day they go wrong again, because the seat of their consciousness is not changed. Even if they turn to the Divine, they will turn in the same spirit and with the same reactions: competition, strife, anger, jealousy, spite and the rest.
It is the consciousness that must change its seat and get out from the vital to a higher or deeper place.
When they come to you, you can tell them that all these stories have no importance whatever, that they are the ordinary reactions of the ordinary life and that surely it is no use coming here to live in that ordinary way. They must make an effort to rise to a higher and truer, to a more disinterested and unselfish consciousness and there they will see that all will be all right for them.
As for you, I am happy that all this turmoil left you untouched. Indeed it must be so more and more and you must yourself look at all these things from the light and equanimity of a spiritual consciousness filled with the Divine Presence and Love.
Our help and trust are always with you.
12 October 1934
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My dear Mother,
This morning, when J and K were frying vegetable-balls, this thought passed in me:
We come here to stay. Suppose we are put to the test? We are put in a big pan filled with oil over a very strong fire and we have to sit in the pan, calm, quiet, unmoved and completely at rest. Those who pass the test are allowed to take up the yoga.
It would scarcely be a test. The moral courage and endurance are often much more difficult to get than the material courage and endurance.
15 October 1934
*
Dear Mother,
My task is more difficult now. When H comes to me, he hardly speaks about the work at the Granary. But he can freely talk on subjects unnatural to me: the world, its curiosities and many other things. I am really puzzled over the matter.
Let him talk, you need not answer. Simply keep living in you the thought of the true consciousness and the will that he should awake to it.
18 October 1934
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My dear and Beloved Mother,
I am happy because I am always supported and carried by You. So often the workers come to me and play a drama and fall into gloom. But I am happy, my dear Mother, so the gloom passes away from them and happiness and peace pervade.
Yes. It is very good—happiness is as contagious as gloom. And nothing can be more useful than to pass on to people the contagion of a true and deep happiness.
25 October 1934
*
My dear Mother,
Surely Your Love is unshakable and always You love me. Surely I shall advance with You, as fast as Your Love permits. I am once more firmly poised on a better plane than ever before. After a little shaking and crying my equanimity has become more strong and unshakable—because of Your unshakable Love.
Your love fully answers to mine.
Yes, my dear child, it has, indeed, been a true and great progress and your feeling of having emerged in a new light is true; rather it is a new light which has descended in some parts of the being still obscure and brought there a Certitude.
Love is, in truth, the Victor.
29 October 1934
*
My dear Mother,
A few days ago L put a demand on me: “Come to Canal House daily.”
I told her, “It is not possible.”
Then she said, “Once a week.”
I replied, “That too is difficult. All the same I shall try but it will not be regular.”
“I want to come to you,” she said.
“All right, at 11 A.M. when you come for your flowers.”
I have not said, “Do not come to me,” but when they try to bind me tight, I always find it very difficult.
She has passed through a difficult time and old movements have come up again trying to drag her back to ancient errors; that is why probably she was wanting to see you.
But surely she will be all right again after some time.
You are right in letting nobody catch hold of you, it would be very bad in all ways.
With love and blessings always.
7 November 1934
*
My dear Mother,
M of the bakery came to me this evening and told me: “Why do you give us hard bread now? Why do you keep the stock? You can give us fresh bread daily.” I explained to him the problem of the rise and fall in consumption each day and the need to keep some stock.
I suppose things can continue as they are now. But do you not think it would be fair to give to M and the bakery people a loaf of fresh bread every day! They have all the work and hard work too; they must at least eat their own bread when it is quite good.
9 November 1934
*
Dear Mother,
L is again badly disturbed. When I am frank, there is difficulty; when I remain silent, there is also difficulty. Give me a middle path, such as Buddha found.
Do not worry—whatever you do will always be criticised. So the best is not to pay any attention to what people say and to go on one’s own path according to the highest light one can get.
With all love and blessings always.
10 November 1934
*
My dear Love,
Physically, I am much better; the throat also seems to be better. I hope to be quite all right.
Let the light, the force, the consciousness flood your whole being and give you the strength to throw away at once the attack on your body.
Always with you.
11 November 1934
*
My dear Mother,
The condition of the vegetable market is exceptionally poor. Nothing can be found in quantity for us. Prices have gone up more than double and for certain vegetables 5 or 6 times. Should we pay so much money for vegetables?
For the money we must accept the necessity of the expense, but we must be strict about the quality of the food. We cannot give bad or spoilt things.
13 November 1934
*
My dear Mother,
B told C: “Why not ask the Mother to get biscuits prepared for your son in our Bakery?”
C told me: “Will you ask the Mother and take her permission to get the biscuits prepared for the boy? I shall pay you the money.” I did not answer him.
I told B: “Do not make such statements. We do not do such things, it is altogether new. We shall have to write to the Mother first before we take up such things.”
It is quite impossible to tax the Bakery people with such extra work and to do business with their work.
14 November 1934
*
My dear Mother,
You have told us: “I have come to fight and conquer.”
Accept me, my dear General, as Your humble soldier. I carry Your banner of Truth and Light. I accept no defeat.
A decisive Victory is crowned upon You, my dear Mother. Divine Love is the Victor.
Yes, my dear child, you are my good warrior and you will have your share in the Victory.
With love and blessings always.
16 November 1934
*
My dear Mother,
The last two days, when I was on the footpath of Aroumé, I got a rising of temperature in my body and a bad head; this morning it was worse and I was pushing and pushing it out.
Today I cleaned D’s bottle for keeping sweets and was bringing it to You from Aroumé. I held it tight with a consciousness that it must not fall. It did not slip, but jumped out of my hand; twice I grabbed for it and the third time it went out of my hand onto the stone steps of Aroumé and broke into pieces.
The bottle itself has no importance, but why these attacks on me when I got to Aroumé? It did not stop there. Some hostile force wanted to send me away from the Ashram, it wanted me to tell You: “Mother, I want to retire; make me free from Aroumé and the Aroumé workers.”
My dear Mother, the hostile forces are taking a little pleasure in troubling me, but I accept no defeat, I do not become weak; I am up and up and on and on, forward with full strength, zeal and confidence in myself and in You and in the final Victory of the Divine Light.
Yes, fear not.
The attack is not on you only but on the whole place, because of the approaching darshan.
We have only to say—in perfect peace—to these adverse forces: what you are trying to do is perfectly useless—you can in no way interfere with the victory of the Divine.
All love and blessings to you, my dear child.
19 November 1934
*
My dear Mother,
This evening I wished and wished for a being to come, a being who has risen above all lower nature, and is completely merged in the Divine. My dear Mother, there are such beings somewhere above; may they come down and serve You and manifest Your Love and Consciousness.
If they took a body, they would at the same time take upon them the human nature and all its difficulties.
27 November 1934
*
My dear Mother,
Mother, my Mother, may the Divine Peace descend upon earth. May the Divine Peace descend into each heart. It is only in Peace that the Divine shall manifest and spread the glory of His Divinity.
My Mother, I ask for Peace, Peace and Peace.
Yes, Peace is the indispensable basis. Our peace, love and blessings are always with you.
30 November 1934
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